Friendster Status For Dummies

Okay, unless you have been living in a cave with your religiously extreme friends, you SHOULD HAVE heard of something called 'Friendster', yes? If not please stop reading this post, it's not meant for you.

Now, for the rest of you, i'm sure you are aware that you have 5 options to choose from regarding your personal status. They are:

1. Single
2. In a Relationship
3. Domestic Partnership
4. Married
5. It's Complicated

In the course of about 2 years i have accumulated 275 friends and came across hundreds of thousands of profiles. What really bothers me is that MOST people do not know the real meaning of them. Therefore for the benefit of these misguided individuals, i shall attempt to explain what each of them means.

1. Single - One, Uno, Satu, 一个. Self-explanatory, means that the bearer of such a status is alone, unattached, available, trying to get laid. The bearer is therefore free to choose/be chosen to enter into a relationship with any potential suitors he/she might deem fit.

2. In a Relationship - Two, 走 Stead, couple-couple. Bearers of this status are emotionally (and most probably physically) attached to his/her partner of choice. Usually means that bearers have shoved their privates into each other already. Structure of this relationship could be in the form of Male & Female, Male & Male or Female & Female. Do not discount the fact that bearers of this status are still trying hard to get laid.

3. Domestic Partnership - Not to be confused with 'Domestic Helper', this means that the couple are living together under the same roof. This stage is a natural evolvement from 'In a Relationship' and is usually a pre-notion for the special status 'Shotgun'.

4. Married - (Un)Holy Matrimony, 结婚, Dang-Dang-Dang-Dang. Probably the most simple but shamelessly misused status. Couples must have been to the Registry of Marriages, been solemnized and signed the bloody certificate in order to be married! Calling each other 'Lao-Gong' or 'Lao Po' does not mean that you are married. There is a clear and distinct difference between 'Married' and 'In a Relationship' so please, get it right. You think that declaring your status as 'Married' is your twisted way of showing your undying love to your partner? Think again. Got it? Good, now shut up!

5. It's Complicated - The latest option to be added to the list. 2nd most misused status behind 'Married'. There have been numerous reported cases of status-swopping between 'It's Complicated' and 'Married/In a Relationship' at speeds which will make Paris Hilton blush. These people are so free they change their status 5 times a day, causing the Friendster Update system to go haywire. Bearers of this status are reminded that they are NOT COOL and that they should stop trying to be cool. Trust me, you CAN'T HANDLE 'IT'S COMPLICATED'!

Okay, equipped with this new-found knowledge, let us try a few scenarios and see if you can get the status correct!

If you are in love with someone but that person does not know you exist?

Ans: 'Single'... Not 'It's Complicated'

If you call each other nicknames like "Dear-Dear", "Lao Gong" or "Lao Po"?

Ans: 'In a Relationship'... Not 'Married'

If you are in love with someone who is 'In a Relationship' / 'Married' or 'Domestic Partnership'?

Ans: 'Single' ... Not 'It's Complicated'