The Story Of A Sinking Ship...

Been meaning to write this post since ages ago but something happened yesterday and i guess it's time to tell you guys about "The sinking ship and the 4 people on board of it".

The Captain
Profile: Although already into the twilight years of her career, this is the first time this person has ever commanded a ship, all thanks to a rather myopic Fleet Admiral who of course by now, has washed her hands clean of her favourite prodigy. The Captain claims to be an expert in every aspect of sailing and never stops boosting about her geographical knowledge. With little experience in actually commanding a ship, the Captain constantly rides on her past accomplishments and using phrases like "During my time" and "I can do" in a vain attempt to convince her crew about her ability. The Captain is always guilty of trying to use corny motivational catch-phrases (the ones with the annoying pictures) to encourage her obviously unamused crew who simply refuse to "buy her shit". Another one of the Captain's pet peeves is to hurl abuses at groups of people for one person's mistake (sometimes the guilty motherfucker isn't even there), an amazing skill and ability which until today, leaves her crew in complete disbelief.
On board because: The Fleet Admiral made a mistake.
Wants to: Find land before the ship sinks or before her entire crew quits, whichever comes first.
But is actually: Going straight to Hell.

The Lieutenant
Profile: Jack-of-all-trades on board the stinking vessel. Although the Lieutenant was drafted on board the ship midway through its journey, he has managed to learn almost everything there is to know about sailing the ship. When the Captain has problems which can't be solved by verbally abusing someone, the Lieutenant steps in and solves it. In other words, he is the one who is actually running the show. Equipped with decent human skills, strategic thinking and a slick tongue, the Lieutenant has managed to create a haven for himself on board. Generally firm and kind hearted in the correct situations but his greatest fault could be his soft-spot for the ladies. Was last seen showing his resume to a couple of female Junior Ensigns and going on about his "New Life".
On board because: He knows he's going to be Captain one day.
Wants to: Be Captain.
But is actually: Looking for a job on other ships.

The 2nd Lieutenant
Profile: On board since Day 1 but feels he's not getting the deserved credit for his contributions to the ship. At the peak of his career, the 2nd Lieutenant was the most productive member on board and was reaping good profits until problems with his personal life messed up his career path. The saddest part was, he was the one who trained the Lieutenant. These unfortunate chain of events sent the 2nd Lieutenant's life straight down the drain. When not drunk, he is usually quarrelling over the phone with the women in his life. The Captain hates him and seizes every single opportunity to launch personal attacks at him. Knowing that he cannot even stand a second more on board the cursed ship, the 2nd Lieutenant expressed his intention to leave and starts looking for a lifejacket. One day after a war of words with the Captain, the 2nd Lieutenant went on deck to get some fresh air, without so much of a warning, the Captain came from behind, gave him a good shove and off the ship went her 2nd Lieutenant.
On board because: Not Applicable.
Wants to: Straighten out his life with a career change.
But is actually: Still trying to get his lifejacket on.

The Ensign
Profile: The joker and entertainer on board. Leaves everyone in stitches with his jokes and crazy antics. Has the ability to diffuse any tense situation created by the Captain and his peers are extremely thankful to him for that. The Ensign has amassed vast experience through years of sailing and has "been there and done that", unfortunately due to his lack of paper qualifications, the Ensign has to put up with the Captain slapping the back of his head everytime he says something wrong. The Ensign sees things as they are and tells you straight if he feels that something is fucked up. Last seen complaining about getting verbally abused in full view of 2 other ships sailing alongside. Favourite phrases are "Or-Bak-Kak" (Black eye) and "You Bapoh!" along with other dialect profanities.
On board because: He hasn't found a lifejacket, plus he has to feed his wife and his 2yr old.
Wants to: Chee Bye Quit Lah!
But is actually: Bo Pian...

*The above is a fictional story about the crew on board an imaginary ship, 'All Drown Together'. Resemblance of the characters to any persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.