Change of Command Parade

Battalion Routine Orders

Change of Command Parade

Date of Parade : 17th Feb 2007

Time of Parade : 2330hrs to 0001hrs

Location: Heavenly Courts Parade Square

Parade Commander : COL Dragon Long (S1)

Parade 2IC : COL Horse Ma (S3)

Parade SM : 1WO Tiger Hu (RSM)

Parade SM (2IC) : 2WO Rooster Chee (HQCSM)

Schedule:

0500hrs : Reveille (Fancy word for wake up), 5BX, breakfast. 2WO Chee to draw loudhailer from CQ store and morning call the Battalion. (5BX = 10mikes, Breakfast = 5mikes)

0515hrs : Area cleaning.

0600hrs : Men to polish boots and iron uniform for their officers. Once done they will proceed to tend to their own attire.

(3hrs, half a million tins of Kiwi and 76,000 cans of spray on starch later...)

0900hrs : Gather at parade square for inspection by 1WO Hu. Men who do not pass inspection to be awarded 3 extras.

0930hrs : Draw arms, men who sign over the line will be awarded 1 extra, CPL Monkey Hou (Battalion Armskote Man) to ensure.

0945hrs : Drill rehearsal. 1WO Hu to "Se-Di-Yah" and "Se-Nang-Di-Ri" the Battalion until he hears only "one banging sound" and not "bird droppings". Men caught standing on 3 legs to be awarded 7 extras. (Except LCP Snake Sher excused lower limb and 2WO Chee only got 2 legs)

1030hrs : 2WO Chee to reveille the officers who are still sleeping.

1100hrs : Officers to join in final rehearsal. CPT Ox Niu (Alpha Coy OC, ABC Scholar), CPT Rabbit Tu (Bravo OC, PCC Scholar), CPT Goat Yang (Charlie Coy OC, DoReMe Scholar) and MWO Rat Shu (Delta Coy OC, No Educational Records).

1115hrs : Arrival of GEN Dog Gou (Outgoing CO).

1130hrs : Start of parade. Outgoing speech by GEN Gou.

1140hrs : Incoming speech by Gen Pig Zhu (Incoming CO).

1159hrs : Change of Command. Witnessed by VIP, President Emperor, Jade.

0001hrs : End of parade. Debrief, and signing of extras for offenders.

Mobile phone killed the newpaper star

Someone was browsing thru his list of mobile ring tones while "doing his business" at the toilet this morning.. So i decided to come up with the following...

Mobile Phone Killed the Newspaper Star

I read your “corantos” back in (Sixteen) Twenty Two
Because at that it was something really new.
If I wasn't born it didn't stop you coming through.
Oh-a oh

They took the credit for your ToTo and 4D,
Sent to our mobiles using SMS technology,
and now I understand the problems you can see.
Oh-a oh

I read your children
Oh-a oh
What did you tell them?

Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
Ringtones came and broke your heart.
Oh-a-a-a oh

And now we meet in an abandoned wet market,
Where you are forced to wrap things such as a fish head,
And you remember when we bring you to shit.

Oh-a oh
You were the first one.
Oh-a oh
You were the last one.

Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
In my mind and in my car, we can't reprint we've gone to far.

Oh-a-aho oh, Oh-a-aho oh

Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
In my mind and in my car, we can't reprint we've gone to far,
Ringtones came and broke your heart, put the blame on No-Kee-Ah!

You are a newspaper star.
You are a newspaper star.
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star,
Mobile phone killed the newspaper star. (You are… newspaper star.)

Soccer Commentary

I wonder if those guys could keep a straight face when saying this...

The Long and Short of it.

"(Shane) Long [Reading] plays it short."

Similarly... "(Craig) Short [Sheff Utd] plays it long."

"(Shane) Long plays it straight to (Craig) Short."


Big or Small?

"(Glen) Little [Reading] with a towering header!"


Which Ball?

"(Micheal) Ball [Man City] stands over the ball."


Bent it like...

"(Marcus/Darren) Bent will have to bend it around the wall for this free kick."


What bridge was falling down?

"(Wayne) Bridge scores his first goal at the (Stamford) Bridge!"


Privates.

"(Paul) Dickov [Man City] almost tore the opponent's dick off!"


And you give, and you give, and you give.

"And (Shay) Given and given away a senseless penalty!"



Need i say more?

(Nicky) Butt
(Jay) DeMerit
(Dan) Shittu

Taxi Wisdom...

"Uncle, Geylang please."

"Wah, go Geylang do what? See PRC girls?"

"Haha.. no lah, just going for drinks." (Are you psychic?)

"I see i see, been waiting long for a taxi?"

"No, thanks to you, luckily you came out of the round-about empty!"

"Wah, you really lucky hor. But i don't understand some Singaporeans, rather stand there for hours but still don't want to pay $4 booking fee! Then when they finally get a taxi, they think they very proud"

"Erm..."

"Really, i've seen them, they rather wait and wait then pay that extra $4!"

"Really...."

"Business now very bad, (begins to take out money and count) tonight i .... (flip flip flip) i.... still haven't made enough to cover rent! So after this trip, just break even. Boring ah, maybe should just go Geylang and call chicken, Uncle one night don't cum cannot sleep. Just tell Uncle's wife that tonight no business, cannot even cover rent. Actually wives are the best, you don't have to pay them to screw them, try any pattern they also don't mind, after that they still look after the house and kids."

"Erm..." ( I pity Mrs. Taxi)

"You see, if Singaporeans are so stingy, how are they going to get world class service? Just like when Uncle go and call chicken that time, before anything happen Uncle will tip them, then they give Uncle best service, Uncle see other people bargain here bargain there, in the end for $10 less, the service they get from the chicken is reduced by more than that $10! In the end who happy?"

"Erm... yah..."

"Don't talk about being a developed country when you don't want to pay $4 booking fee lah, Uncle work overseas for more than 10 years, foreigners not like that one, they are very gracious. Uncle tell you, you don't see the PRC now like very backward like that, in a few years time. if Singaporeans the mind set don't change, we will be overtaken by them!"

"Erm... yah..."

"Your Geylang you want to go where?"

"Erm.. Lor XX, near the Dim Sum stall."

"Lor XX? Dim Sum? Got meh? Erm..... (refuse to turn when he should) Orh! Uncle know lah!"

"Yeah, should have turned just now, but never mind, you can turn here."

"Sure or not?!"

"Should be ok, we need to head towards the other numbered lanes."

"There got Dim Sum meh? I turn ah! You don't bluff Uncle."

"Won't won't. Already overshot, need to U-turn back."

"Aiya! You cheat Uncle ah."

"Haha.. no lah. Just ahead you can stop." (Fucka-you!)

"Orh! This Dim Sum ah! Don't say earlier?"

"Nevermind Uncle, how much?"

"Erm... $14.30!"

"Heres $15."

"Wah, so good, still got ..."

"Bye!" (Sound of slamming car door)