2 Lessons

News from BBC World...

"A Malaysian princess has been murdered while trying to defend her husband from the couple's 21-year-old son.
Police say the youth, who is the nephew of the sultan of the Malaysian state of Pahang, died later in hospital apparently from a drug overdose.
Malaysian royalty seem to have suffered more than their fair share of tragedy and scandal in recent years.
In 2002, the young second wife of a prince from the state of Parak's royal family was murdered. The prince's first wife was arrested but released without charge during the investigation. Four men, including two black magicians, were eventually convicted of her murder."

Lesson 1 : Stay away from drugs, you are less likely to get killed.

Lesson 2 : For your next party, hire white magicians instead, you are less likely to get killed.

Fat Slut! What you doing? (Part Whatever)

Yes people, this is the 3rd installment of the popular "What you doing?" series. The star of our post today is a rather "big boned" female student, who is under the assumption that her english is pretty good, and boy does she have an attitude. So lets call her Fat Slut shall we? Yes? Moving right along...

It was a Friday morning, and yes, once again i was lucky enough to board bus service 963E. (For the benefit of those who don't know what the "E" means, click here) As the bus reached Bukit Panjang, Fat Slut came on board after hesitating for half a second. I could sense that she was unsure what the "E" in 963E meant as she kept very close to the exit door on the left side of the bus, causing it to tilt ever so slightly when negotiating left turns.

As the bus neared her school, she did what every law abiding citizen would do and pressed the bell to signal her intention to alight. Little did she know that 963E does not serve the bus stop in front of her school. Even little-er did she realise that the bus doesn't stop at the next stop after her school, nor the next stop after that, nor the next next stop after that!

When the drove pass her stop, Fat Slut thought the driver has purposely missed her stop, so she frantically pressed the bell in hope of getting the driver to stop at the next one. When the bus whizzed pass the next stop without stopping, Fat Slut, whom i can see was almost going to get a stroke, decided that the best way to voice her protest, was to irritate the hell out of ever other passenger by pressing the bell every 5 seconds!

One thousand two thousand three thousand four thousand "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP"

One thousand two thousand three thousand four thousand "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP"

One thousand two thousand three thousand four thousand "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP"

One thousand two thousand three thousand four thousand "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP"

One thousand two thousand three thousand four thousand "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP"

By now Fat Slut had succeed in attracting the attention of EVERONE on the bus. The driver looked through his rear view mirror, gave a "Press lor, i'm not going to stop" look and carried on driving. I swear that with every passing bus stop we passed, the smug look on the driver grew more and more obvious. Of course yours truly was enjoying every moment of it as well. It's like watching the World Cup, when you shout "Ole" everytime your favourite team completes a pass, i felt like standing up and shouting "Ole" as the bus drove pass every bus stop without stopping.

Avoiding eye-contact with everyone, a defeated Fat Slut made her way towards the driver and had a few words with him. That was when she found out the brutal truth. A total of 4 stops later, the bus finally stops and Fat Slut alights, knowing damn well that she made a complete fool of herself in public.

This little episode teaches us, "Not to make yourself look more stupid than you already are". Fat Slut, i dedicate this post to you. Hope that your sorry excuse for a brain understands this valuable lesson that life has decided to teach you. God Bless...

Again?!

"Again you explained. Again you apologized. Again you asked me not to be angry. But somehow, its no longer bout getting angry. It's bout the disappointment. The sadness. The feeling of being cheated, again."

How many times must someone be cheated upon before they learn not to trust assholes again? How many times must they be mistreated before they realise that it's not worth it?
What will it take to finally make them see that they are being short-changed?
What kind of catastrophe needs to happen before they finally call it quits?

I have fucking had it with these people. How many times do i have to tell you, "If he treats you like crap, leave him."

Standard responses...

"I can't, he'll kill me..."

"I'm afraid he will do silly things..."

"He wouldn't let me go..."

"He promised this is the last time..."

Wake up! The son-of-a-bitch behaves like that because YOU allow him to. Please, just stop letting these scums of the universe rape you of what little diginity you have left. If you are not blind/deaf/retarded, kindly heed my advice and do the right thing, now.

Can Someone Explain?

Noticed a rather unhealthy trend while watching television today.

1) Chinese drama, to celebrate the Emperor's birthday, one of the gifts will CONFIRM be a scantily dressed western lady dancer.

2) Chinese soap, to celebrate the GM's birthday, his employees presented him with a western lady dancer dressed in a bunny suit.

3) Western shows, the maids, gang leaders' women and other "low ranking" women are mostly Asian.

Can someone tell me why this is so?

New Movie?

The Chinese legend of Hua Mulan centers on a woman who disguises herself as a man to take the place of her elderly father in the army. The story can be traced back to The Ballad of Mulan. The earliest accounts of the legend state that she lived during the Northern Wei dynasty (386–534).

Although Mulan is weak in comparison to her fellow soldiers, she works hard and soon becomes a respected part of her group, which is led by Captain Li Shang. She soon falls in love with him, and it seems he feels the same affections (Brokebackish?).

After Mulan "defeats" the Huns with her ingenious plan, Shang finds out that she is actually not a man (AFTER having affections for her/him), and kicks her out of the group. Before Mulan leaves the battlefield, she finds out that the Huns are actually alive and warns Shang and the emperor. Eventually, she ends up saving the kingdom, marrying Shang and living happily ever after.

20 years later...

Shang becomes emperor after the former ruler mysteriously dies after apparently sleeping on the famous "Bed of Nails" from the infamous Top 10 Punishments of China. He and Mulan have a daughter, which they affectionately named Princess Tulan, and life was peaceful apart from the occasional assissination attempts.

Now for the past 20 years, the Huns have been planning for revenge. One fine day, while out hunting in the backforest, Emperor Shang was ambushed and captured by the Huns. Mulan, determined to save her husband, prepares herself to infiltrate the enemy's camp to extricate her beloved source-of-endless-wealth.

M: "Tulan, I must go!"

T: "No Mother, it's too dangerous!"

M: "If I can outsmart them 20 years ago, I can do it again!"

T (Under her breath): "20 years ago imperial guards still wearing shorts..."

M: "What!?"

T: "Nothing Mother, let me go with you! We can call ourselves, 'The MuTu'!"

M: "No, you stay here and play with the eunuchs until I return with your Dad."

T: "But Ling GongGong has nothing for me to play with!"

M: "Oh shut up and help me get my armour on! Damn these used to fit the last time I wore them!"

After the preparations, Mulan rode out with her husband's buddy during their Basic Military Training days, General Xia (They were the famous Shang Xia Brothers, aka Up Down Brothers) to rescue the emperor. Unfortunately they lost their way midway through the journey. Now Tulan must set out to 1)Find Mummy, then 2)Rescue Daddy so that got more pocket-money.

T: "Stupid Mother lost her way, now I have to go save her ass, Advisor, get me the 2 best men we have!"

A: "Let me introduce you to the left and right hand man of your Father, the emperor. I bring before you, Captain Zuo and Captain Yew."

Z & Y: "Our respects to you!"

T: "Apparently both of your will fall for me and eventually I'l have to marry one of you if this crappy story ends the way everybody expects, so i suggest you two go work it out yourself who dies during this mission so I would have less of a headache!"

Z & Y: "Yes Princess!" (Turns to face each other...)

Z & Y: "Scissors Paper Stone! Scissors Paper Stone! Scissors Paper Stone!"

T: "Morons..."

And so, our heroine rides into the sunset in search of her missing Mother and General Xia, whom she suspects is her real Father. Will she succeed? Can they rescue Emperor Shang? Who is Tulan's real father?

(Movie trailer)

This summer... (Image of sun rising over the horizon)

Travel back in time to ancient China... (Scenes from inside the Forbidden City, shuffling feet of eunuchs and maidens, Shang sitting on throne, Mulan "shoot eyes" with Xia, etc.)

And experience the adventure... (Soldiers on horseback, riding thru the desert)

AGAIN! (Sword fighting, arrow shooting, more horseback riding etc.)

Mulan II : MAMA M.I.A. , Missing In Action



















Coming to a theatre near you!

I am a Singaporean (Inspired by Mr. Brown)

I am NOT tech-savvy so i don't know how to grow a podcast. So here goes my declaration...

My nickname is Dua-Tau,
Because i wear a size seven & three-quarter cap.
My Dad taught me how to drink and swear in 2 different dialects,
I picked up smoking the same year he quit.
I want to learn the Japanese language,
So i can understand Japanese por... artistic movies.
I watch the EPL and support Manchester United,
But i hate the England team and some fellow United supporters.
I love to sing and i think i'm good at it,
Yet i'm a Singapore Idol reject, maybe because i always lip-synched the National Anthem during assembly.
I live in a 5-room HDB flat that is fully paid for by my parents (Thanks Mum, Dad),
And they plan to sell it to me when i get married.
I don't have a degree, nor a high salary, nor a car licence,
But i plan to own a BMW in 5 years time, on second thoughts, maybe a BMX.
I have a blog that no one reads, i say "Drink Bastard!" instead of "Cheers", my name is Robin Yap and i am a Singaporean.
So say we all (So say we all)
I also say.