Thursday, September 28, 2006

Lift Rage

- Lift
1. to move or bring (something) upward from the ground or other support to a higher position; hoist.
2. a contraption which the Singapore Gahmen is trying to make stop on every floor of all HDB flats.

- Rage
1. ardor, fervor, enthusiasm;
2. a violent act caused by anger.

If there was to be someone who is going to be the first peron convicted of "lift rage", it would most definitely be me. Not that i'm trying to act call civilized or anything but please, use your blain use your blain!

The following are some examples of what i mean,

1. Retards who stand RIGHT IN FRONT of the lift door waiting for it to open so that he/she/it can be the first one in. I mean what the fuck is your problem? Don't tell me you really really want to get to work as soon as you possibly can because that's a load of bullshit. Best is when an entire group of them does it, i usually just stand back and admire how the poor bastards who are trying to get out of the lift worm their way pass the mass blob of stupidity.

2. Idiots who cannot decide whether they want to take the lift, or MUST take the lift with their friends from God-knows-where on Earth. Hey Shithead, it's a lift! Not some teleporting machine! I'm pretty sure your friend(s) can survive without seeing you for 2 minutes. And don't you fucking morons stand at the door and access how many of your species you can squeeze into one inch of space while holding everyone else up. LET GO OF THE FUCKING BUTTON! AND WAIT FOR THE DOOR TO CLOSE BEFORE PRESSING IT AGAIN!

3. Blind donkeys who can ask their friends in the loudest voice possible, "Who press [insert floor]" Hey Fuckface! The fact that you are getting off on a lower floor does not mean that the rest of the world isn't entitled to their right to access other floors! What if you work on the 2nd floor of a hundred storey building? Are you going to go, "Eh, who press 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.... 100?" No right? And by the way if you hadn't noticed Mr. Dimwit, I AM THE ONE WHO PRESSED [insert floor]!

4. Motherfuc-, oops, can't call them motherfuckers cos i don't think they were born into this world. Freak-O's who get to the ground level, fuck out of the lift to crawl back to whatever hole they came from, and freaking press the floors of which his/hers/its friends are still at?! What kind of freakshow theory is that? Please, someone explain to me, why do they have to do this? The lift will still stop at those floors because the Goons outside the lift have their fingers surgically fused to the lift buttons, so why the extra work? If you like pressing the lift buttons so much, go be a lift attendant! Oh, i'm sorry, you dont have the minimum required IQ of 1.0 for the job.

Damn i'm an angry bastard, so, which floor?

One Million Dollars...

If i had one million, one million, i had one million, one lifetime can relax

Never say nobody will know, say already i very shy

Eat until so big, never seat aeroplane before

Slog for so many years, no car no house and no lover

See other people take brides and do business, got style

If i had one million, i want to seat aeroplane

I want to tour the world, go to Hawaii and suntan, eat sushi in Japan

If i had one million, i want to buy car buy house

All the nice food, who can do better

Come and be my wife

If i had one million, one million

If you short of cash, open mouth no need to stand on ceremony

Never say nobody will know, say already i very shy

Eat until so big, never seat aeroplane before

Slog for so many years, no car no house and no lover

See other people take brides and do business, got style

If i had one million, i want to seat aeroplane

I want to tour the world, drink coffee in Italy, eat pasta by the roadside (in Italy)

If i had one million, i want to buy car buy house

Buy a shop to collect rent, so i don't have to work

Take my dog go for stroll

If i had one million, one million

If you short of cash, open mouth no need to stand on ceremony

If i had one million, one million

Ten thousand eight thousand take and use

Don't return also no problem

If i had one million, one million...

Voice over
(Hello friend, you think one million a lot isit?)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Tell me something i DON'T know

Today Lim Peh kena lectured by someone on MSN...

"... 27 already, that's because you are too choosy ..."

"... always think too much, you are not looking for someone whom you like, you are looking for someone who suits your lifestyle ..."

"... dare not take risk, spend too long looking, by then people are attached ..."

"... finding a companion, not a life partner ..."

" ... match-making service ..."

PLEASE, tell me something i DON'T know! Like why do some cretins chase every skirt they see? Or why some like to get hitched WAY before they are emotionally or financially ready? Or why some of you like to reproduce at the rate of mutant hamsters?

Saw this loser propose to his totally hot girlfriend on national television and guess what? She agreed... ...after rejecting his first proposal some time ago. Ah, the beauty of media pressure.

"We are going to calm our feelings down and plan for our ROM!" exclaimed an over excited King Loser, before planting his slimy lips on the poor girl, who had her eyes open the whole 3 seconds. (Ladies and Gentle, and the nominees for Most Wooden Screen Kiss are...)

Noooooooooooooooooooo you moron! Ride the high! Get a room and start making babies before you girlfriend comes to her senses and realises she's been scammed and decides to back out, off-air of course. You have a good few hours before the effect wears off.

You sick bastard!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

An excuse?

"Thinking that you are the worst person in the world is no different from thinking you are the best, it just gives you an excuse to justify your existence."

Are you here because you have an excuse?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Money No Enough? (The "Don't Find Me" Edition)

Basic set of rules to abide by when borrowing money (from me).

1. Don't think i'm some rich Ah-Seah Kia. I've only started working full-time for 3 mths.

2. I'm most probably drawing a lower salary than you. BUT that will change soon.

3. The fact that i'm drawing a higher salary does not mean that i'm obliged to help.

4. That money was definitely meant for something else. There is no such thing as spare cash (for me).

6. State your reason, the REAL reason for needing a loan.

7. Give me a firm return date, the REAL return date. Installments or whatever i don't care.

8. Don't avoid me, BUT don't let me catch you partying the night away.

9. Humour me abit. Act like you are apologetic can? Please?

10. Try, please try not giving me a deadline for which to pass you the money. Especially if it means i have to go out of my way to get it done.

Good! Now that we have straightened things out, how much do you need?