Stop Bitching About Coming "Back To Reality"!

Are you one of those who post your online status as "Back To Reality. Sigh." when you return to work after some time off? Well, look here.

Was your holiday not real?

Was the time spent during office hours bargain-hunting for that perfect holiday not real?

Was the herpes (other STDs are available) that you caught during above mentioned holiday not real?

Do I have to point out that without this so-called "reality" that you are whining about, you would probably not be able to afford the time off which is the cause of your complains about going back to work in the first place?

So be thankful that you could afford time off work and SHUT THE HELL UP!

The Force, you shall need...

Why i is have no girlfriend

Of all the questions my friends can ask me, they ask me this....

Better go see doctor...

Funnier when drunk

Made this with the help of 2 friends...

Guess what song

Woman(To herself): "Damn! What does a girl have to do to get laid around here? Been drivin aimlessly for freak'in ages here! Still no sight of a hunky hitchhiker... ... Oh look! There's one!"

Boy(To himself): "Of all the God damned days i chose to leave the house without my umbrella and coat! Fuck'in pouring cats and dogs and whatever four-legged freaks here, how the hell am i gonna get home?"

Woman: "Hey handsome! Wanna ride?"

Boy: "Sure thanks." (To himself) "Smile boy... just play it cool..."

Woman: "I'm not gonna ask you your name." (To herself) "I'm so gonna get laid!"

Boy: "Me neither."

Woman: "I don't believe i'm telling you this, i'm kinda in a horny fix right now, mindless fuck?"

Boy: "Alright bitch! Anything to get out of these clothes man!"

(Woman drives to a hotel)

Woman: "Tommy, i need a room, my usual suite will do."

Tommy: "Very well Madam..."

Boy: "Wow, you regular here?"

Woman: "Kind'a."

Boy: "Erm... okay."

(In the hotel room)

Woman & Boy: "Abrakadabra!"

Woman: "Pick a card, any card..."

Boy: "I have here 3 balls and 3 cups..."

Woman: "Think of a number between 1 and 100..."

Boy: "I will attempt to saw my beautiful assistant in half..."

Woman: "Here she comes! Oh... oh... God! You brought out another one! I think i'll call that one Suzie!"

Boy: "Do all your friends name their orgasms?"

Woman: "Oh... oh... oh... only... me...."

Boy: "That was easy! Kewl!"

(The morning after)

Boy: "Darling... can you get us some breakfast in bed? Darling?" (Sees a note on the table, reads out the content) "I am the flower, you are the seed. We walked in the garden... What the fuck?! You crazy poet bitch! You better pray you paid for this room! And who the fuck wants to live in your sick memory!?!"

(Some time later, they meet on the streets)

Boy: "Holy fuck! Shakes-Slut! It's you!"

Woman: "You looked surprised."

Boy: "How many people you know can see their own eyes?"

Woman: "Go figure."

Boy: "So, wanna you know... get together sometime?"

Woman: "Sorry, i'm in love with someone else."

Boy: "He good to you?"

Woman: "He's alright, but i don't get to think of so many names at night."

Boy: "Life sucks yah."

Woman: "Like a nuclear powered vacuum..."

Boy: "Oh well, see'ya around."

Woman: "You too boy..."

I can take a hint...

Was signing into my Friendster account when something struck me... (click on image to enlarge)

Guess it has been decided which Goalkeeper i will pick for my Fantasy League this week...
(I swear to God this was not done on purpose)

Change of Command Parade

Battalion Routine Orders

Change of Command Parade

Date of Parade : 17th Feb 2007

Time of Parade : 2330hrs to 0001hrs

Location: Heavenly Courts Parade Square

Parade Commander : COL Dragon Long (S1)

Parade 2IC : COL Horse Ma (S3)

Parade SM : 1WO Tiger Hu (RSM)

Parade SM (2IC) : 2WO Rooster Chee (HQCSM)

Schedule:

0500hrs : Reveille (Fancy word for wake up), 5BX, breakfast. 2WO Chee to draw loudhailer from CQ store and morning call the Battalion. (5BX = 10mikes, Breakfast = 5mikes)

0515hrs : Area cleaning.

0600hrs : Men to polish boots and iron uniform for their officers. Once done they will proceed to tend to their own attire.

(3hrs, half a million tins of Kiwi and 76,000 cans of spray on starch later...)

0900hrs : Gather at parade square for inspection by 1WO Hu. Men who do not pass inspection to be awarded 3 extras.

0930hrs : Draw arms, men who sign over the line will be awarded 1 extra, CPL Monkey Hou (Battalion Armskote Man) to ensure.

0945hrs : Drill rehearsal. 1WO Hu to "Se-Di-Yah" and "Se-Nang-Di-Ri" the Battalion until he hears only "one banging sound" and not "bird droppings". Men caught standing on 3 legs to be awarded 7 extras. (Except LCP Snake Sher excused lower limb and 2WO Chee only got 2 legs)

1030hrs : 2WO Chee to reveille the officers who are still sleeping.

1100hrs : Officers to join in final rehearsal. CPT Ox Niu (Alpha Coy OC, ABC Scholar), CPT Rabbit Tu (Bravo OC, PCC Scholar), CPT Goat Yang (Charlie Coy OC, DoReMe Scholar) and MWO Rat Shu (Delta Coy OC, No Educational Records).

1115hrs : Arrival of GEN Dog Gou (Outgoing CO).

1130hrs : Start of parade. Outgoing speech by GEN Gou.

1140hrs : Incoming speech by Gen Pig Zhu (Incoming CO).

1159hrs : Change of Command. Witnessed by VIP, President Emperor, Jade.

0001hrs : End of parade. Debrief, and signing of extras for offenders.